The night I couldn't wake up

 I remember that night as if it were last night, January 27. I was in my sleep trying to wake up, but my body refused to listen. I couldn't move nor speak. I could hear the sound of my breath labored but it wasn't enough. I wanted to scream, call out, escape but the silence around me felt suffocating. Its as if someone was holding me back to sleep. Some people call it sleep paralysis, it's the unexpected. You can't go to bed ready for it because, you never know when it will happen... it comes naturally. 

That night, felt like a decade. It was so strange, the inabillity to move but you can feel your existence. It's like you're fighting for  your last breath on earth, like someone telling you stay with me just one more time please Melania. But you are already gone, I felt pressure in my chest,  its a very terrifying experience. It's not just the terrfying sensation of being held down. It's a memory of of people I lost, people I mistreated and words I never had the courage to say. In that moment, the darkness felt suffocating. It's like I am being haunted by my past self, the mistakes  I made..

It's that night I thought that maybe it was just a dream, but it wasn't just a dream. It was a trap, I was trapped in my own sleep and the scariest part is it makes you feel stuck, like you can't escape your body and the memories that haunt it. I felt every bit of it, its confusing. I thought I was the only one that goes through it, until my cousin told me her own experience in it. I felt a  bit better, but confused too. 

This sleep paralysis taught me lessons too. It became a reminder that even in our most vulnerable moments, we still here. And even when we are traumatized we just have to go through it. Even when the weight hold us down we still have the strength to pick ourselves down. To face whatever lies in the darkness, because there is noway you'll say you ain't going to sleep because you are scared of sleep paralysis. We have to face facts nomatter the circumstances. 

Its a feeling I wouldnt wish on anyone, yet here I am sharing it because I know there are others like me that went through it. You are not alone in this, even if it feels like you are the only one trapped in the dark., fighting to wake up. IT'S OKAY TO FEEL POWERLESS, its okay to be scared. You are not alone in this. If tonight is the night, you still aint alone. We all are waiting, hoping, fighting for the moment it finally stops.