A thought on trauma

I remember walking into a friend's house. Then, I see their baby crying. I reached out, asked if I could comfort her. But the mother said "No, no... let her cry, she's so stupid," she said. For a moment I thought to myself, babies have hearts too. They feel things, they remember. And that kind of coldness leaves marks. We may not see it now, but this is how trauma begins. That loneliness, that abandonment it plants seeds of pain that grow in silence. Yes, even a child can be traumatized even before they know what the word means.

Trauma is the emotional response to distressing experiences. It's not just about what happens, it's about what it does to you inside. It can be abuse, neglect, grief, a cold shoulder, a sharp comment that echoes for years, even silence when you needed love the most. It stays. It shapes you. And it hurts in ways most people will never see. 

I've lived it too...

I remember a time my cousin looked at me and said, “Go to your mom’s grave.” Just like that like it was nothing. But it was everything. I felt like a dumpster person. Like I didn’t belong anywhere. I rolled in sand that day not to play, but to bury the ache. But words, sometimes, cut deeper than anything else.

Some people may not understand. But those who’ve lived it, felt it, and carried it silently they’ll relate. They’ll feel these words. Because trauma leaves fingerprints on your soul that only experienced hearts recognize. Another time, I cried all day not because something happened that day, but because my mind was just tired. Just drained from holding everything in for so long. Sometimes the loudest pain is the pain no one sees.

If you’ve ever been told to “move on” from something that shattered you, this is your reminder: You’re not weak. You’re just human. And healing takes time.

One day, I’m going to write it all down the things I’ve never shared, the things I’ve pretended never hurt me. But even then, no one will believe it. They’ll never understand how long I’ve been pretending.

And as I think about it… why do some men commit such horrific acts, like rape? Maybe it’s not just about power or control maybe it’s trauma too. Rejection, feeling invisible, or not being seen for who they truly are. Maybe they’ve been hurt, neglected, or abandoned in ways that never healed. Sometimes, the deepest pain creates the most destructive actions…. 

But that’s a story for another day.