Emotional intelligence

I remember a time when I felt like I was walking through life with my emotions locked away in a cage, trying to keep them from spilling out at the wrong moment. It wasn’t until I found myself in a cycle of unhealthy relationships, where my voice was drowned out and my feelings were dismissed, that I realized something was wrong. I was constantly questioning myself was I overreacting? Was I just too sensitive? I thought maybe I was the problem. But then, I discovered something that would change everything: emotional intelligence.

We’ve all experienced moments in relationships where we feel unheard, drained, or stuck in a toxic cycle. Whether it’s a romantic partner, a friend, or a family member, toxic relationships can take a toll on our mental and emotional well-being. The silent emotional battles we face often go unnoticed, and we find ourselves questioning our worth, our emotions, and even our reality. It’s all about empathy and understanding others…It’s in these times that emotional intelligence (EQ) becomes crucial. 

What is Emotional Intelligence?

Emotional intelligence refers to the ability to understand and manage our emotions, as well as recognize and influence the emotions of others. It’s about being self-aware, empathetic, and able to navigate social situations with emotional awareness.

There are five key components of emotional intelligence:

Self-awareness: Recognizing and understanding your own emotions. Self-regulation: Managing and controlling your emotions in healthy ways. Motivation: Staying positive and driven, even though challenges. Empathy: Understanding and sharing the feelings of others. Social skills: Building strong, positive relationships with others.

When we develop emotional intelligence, we can approach relationships with more clarity, patience, and understanding. This allows us to better handle conflicts and communicate in healthier ways.

Toxic Relationships and the Strain on Emotional Intelligence.

I’ve been in toxic relationships where I felt constantly dominated in conversations and emotionally manipulated. The signs were subtle at first small dismissals of my feelings, a constant need to "one-up" my thoughts, and a general lack of empathy. I found myself apologizing for things I shouldn’t have, and slowly, my self-esteem began to wither. I lost touch with my emotions and started questioning my reality, wondering if I was too sensitive or overreacting. 

A toxic relationship doesn’t always look like yelling or name-calling. Sometimes, it’s quieter: the person constantly interrupts you, invalidates your feelings, or never makes room for your voice. It’s the pattern of conversation where your emotions don’t matter, and you feel invisible. They are always wrapped up in their own world that they fail to acknowledge or appreciate others.

In these types of relationships, we often forget to check in with ourselves. We get caught up in pleasing the other person or trying to avoid conflict, but in the process, we lose sight of our own emotional needs. Our emotional intelligence diminishes because we’re not allowed to feel or express our truth. This creates a cycle of emotional depletion, where we give more than we receive, leading to frustration and resentment.

Recognizing Toxic Conversations

Constant interruptions: When someone always cuts you off or doesn’t let you finish your thoughts. Invalidating your feelings: They may brush off your emotions, saying things like “You’re being too sensitive” or “It’s not a big deal. No space for your voice: When everything revolves around them, and there’s no room for you to express your thoughts or feelings. Emotional manipulation: Using guilt, blame, or passive-aggressive behavior to control the situation. If any of this sound familiar, you may be in a toxic dynamic that is slowly chipping away at your emotional intelligence.

How Emotional Intelligence Helps You Heal

The good news is that emotional intelligence is not fixed it can be developed and nurtured. When I started focusing on my own emotional growth, things began to shift. I began practicing self-awareness, which allowed me to understand my emotions more deeply. I didn’t let them control me; instead, I acknowledged them, validated my feelings, and gave myself permission to express them.

Self-regulation became my next priority. I learned to set boundaries and not allow others to manipulate or dominate my emotional space. I stopped apologizing for being myself, and I gave myself permission to say “no” without guilt. This practice of self-regulation empowered me to reclaim control over my emotions.

One of the biggest changes was the ability to walk away from toxic conversations without feeling inadequate. I stopped letting other people’s emotions dictate how I felt. I started seeing that emotional intelligence wasn’t just about managing my own feelings it was about respecting my own emotional needs while still being considerate of others. No one is perfect we all slip up sometimes, but what really matters is the willingness to learn and grow.

The Healing Journey

It Takes Time.., Healing from a toxic relationship and rebuilding your emotional intelligence is a journey it doesn’t happen overnight. But with patience and practice, it is possible to regain control of your emotional well-being. Start by recognizing the power of your emotions. Listen to them. They are telling you something important. Next, focus on self-regulation. You don’t have to react to every emotion immediately. Give yourself space to process and respond thoughtfully.

Empathy is also crucial. As you begin to nurture your emotional intelligence, remember that it’s not about shutting others out. It’s about understanding both your own emotions and those of others but not allowing them to overtake your sense of self. I remember wanting to cut off everyone because I wanted to focus on myself, I had a number of people that I felt like cutting off but. I just felt cutting off everything was the right way out, that’s when I realized how wrong I was. So invested in myself love not being too considerate on how other people will feel. 

Moving Forward with Emotional Intelligence

If you find yourself in a toxic relationship or dynamic, I encourage you to take small steps toward building your emotional intelligence. Start by acknowledging how you feel, then take the time to listen to your own heart before reacting. Maybe speaking up will help, sometimes just speaking out how you feel matters even though you don’t get advice in return. It opens your heart, you will feel seen and heard which is what matters most. Setting boundaries is a vital step in protecting your emotional health, and don’t be afraid to walk away from situations that make you feel small.

Emotional intelligence is a powerful tool in creating healthier, more fulfilling relationships. With it, you can learn to navigate life with greater awareness and compassion for yourself and for others. You are worthy of love, respect, and understanding, and developing emotional intelligence can help you find the strength to protect your emotional well-being. And knowing what to say and when to say it can make all the difference in how we connect with others. In the end it’s all about striving to be a better communicator, listener, lover and friend.